Readers! Hello. Hello hello.
And so forth.
The lovely blog-forger Single Again, master of both internal reflection and internet word times, has nominated me for a Reader Appreciation Award. Woo! I am suitably touched. I recommend perusing her works; she is tackling the inherent philosophies entwined in life itself. This is no small task, and a perfect example of how a blog can be both inspirational and therapeutic to both reader and writer. Or, yknow, typer. Typer? Typist. Blogger. Blog-Marshall General.
Blog-forger. I’ll just stick with blog-forger.
Now apparently there’s rules affixed to this Reader Appreciation Award, cultural norms baked in from the point of inception. Such is the way of the internet! Why, I remember being a squirming, shrieking larvae in high school, sending email quizzes from friend to friend, harvesting such flawless gems as ‘who are you in love with’ and ‘which fruit most resembles your face’. But, I digress.
It seems I am to share seven things about myself! Hmmm. I make it a point of order to only have six discernible features at any given time, from any given angle. So to flesh out this portion, one of these is going to be a flagrant lie. But be warned, gentle reader! I was once awarded a solid brass medal for Outstanding Flagrancy. Your powers of deduction are steeped in the boiling water of inevitable failure.
SEVEN ME-FACTS OF ME
- I was never awarded the aforementioned medal.
- If I’m tapping my fingers on my legs (or on any surface really), I’m doing one of two things – I’m either playing a song in my head, or writing the rhythm for a song.
- When a friend of mine and I bought my cat, we had no idea what kind of noises he was capable of making until we started the drive home. And then we knew nothing but.
- I once levitated on TV. Nobody cared.
- I have almost finished knitting a black and red scarf. Just in time for winter to disappear completely. Possibly forever; I can’t see through time.
- I can see through time.
- I once jumped out of a plane on a whim.
I have also been asked to list my five favourite blogs. Now I’m pretty new to WordPress, and I’m a busy guy, and I upload the comics direct from my phone…not to put too fine a point on it, I have yet to really surf the vast ocean that is ‘blog’. Or maybe blogs are the islands…jungle-studded land gems set into the digital sapphire expanse we call the internet. Who can say! Not me, because I don’t want to. At any rate, I’ll rattle off a few in list form, but I (for the most part) can’t claim to be an avid blog reader. This may change. My cat quit smoking twice, I’ve seen incredible things happen with just a little patience. And a lot of frenetic beatings.
FIVE BLOGS THAT ARE IN A LIST IN THIS POST (IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER)
- Anglophonism. We can all afford to know a little bit more about the English language. Everyone! Even you, me.
- Chainsawsuit. This one is a comic powerhouse in its own right, and frankly, it’s one of the sites that inspired me to start my own. When Kris Straub breaks wind, the harp in his underjocks plays your favourite song.
- Crafty and Devious. If you want to be wowed by incredible craft, this is square one. It is also the blog of my girlfriend! Because I don’t know how to do what she does, 95% of it looks like wizardry. Dark wizardry, often.
- PressureLands. A theatrical production that I wrote the soundtrack for. I also had the pleasure of participating in their creative development! The happy offshoot of this was that I was integral figure in the creation of the greatest cocktail on earth – the Siberian Deerjob.
- Smell My Paw. The most excellent adventures of Kitty DrunkDrunk, a cat whose raw, unfettered hedonism outstrips my own. This is a cat I want to get embarrassingly drunk with. Morgue drunk.
I believe that covers it!
Oh, I also had the pleasure of being ‘Freshly Pressed’ a short while ago. I didn’t make a hullabaloo about it at the time because it seemed…unseemly. People were going to come to the blog for the comic, not for the post saying that it’s a blog containing a comic. I wanted my work to speak for itself, and I hope it did. I wouldn’t have mentioned it all, if not for this opportunity to arrange one word after another outside of a loosely demarcated text-balloon.
After all, Only the Truest of Facts isn’t about prose.
It’s about spending my lucid moments compiling my assorted crimes, so that a jury of my peers has the evidence they need to sentence my cat and I to death at the appropriate juncture.
Thanks for reading.